Another 31 days to my wedding dinner in Johor, and another 38 days to my actual wedding day in Terengganu.<
I feel nervous, as it seems that there are still a lot of things yet to be done.
I feel pressured, because it seems that other than Andrew's mom and me, the rest are not doing things up to the pace. My family thinks 1 month is a long way to go.
I got scolded for not doing things faster... I felt so sad... Things that others promised to help me but ended up in a mess, and I have to follow up. Yet I get blamed for not doing things faster. It hurts so much especially when it's family. When I start pushing everyone to do what they supposed to do, they would tell me it's still early. Even when someone offered to help, I have to follow very closely to make sure that the thing is done. Sometimes they could just easily forget about it because it doesn't concern them. Or worse, they never bother even after they promised.
To be honest, I don't feel happy about my wedding now. Too many unhappy things happened along the way. Friends aren't supportive enough, family isn't helping much, too much of blamings, too few to share my loads... Some said I don't delegate enough to others, but how could I do that when I know they can't manage it?
The only thing that keeps me going is the gown!!! I just want to wear that gown!!! Can you believe it??? I'm more looking forward to wear the gown than the wedding... Is this healthy???
I'm confused now... Few weeks ago when people asked if Andrew is ready for marriage... I guess now I have to ask myself this question. Marriage isn't just about wedding, and when we can't even handle the pressure of the wedding, what about marriage then? I doubt Andrew understands marriage, because neither do I really understand it...
Whenever people asked me about my wedding, I noticed that the first thing I would do is sigh. I don't know what to say, I don't even know what should I do next. Checklist??? It is just bullshit!!! I ticked off most of the items now, but I bloody know that there are more things yet to be done!
How could I not care so much?
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