Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Disheartened

Posted by Fishy Ash
Whenever my spirits were low, I always managed to find that one tiny bit of something to boast them up. Always, my spirits rarely remained low for a long time.

Today, it is one of those days that I hit my low again. Things aren't good at work (bet everybody would say that). I have been trying to re-motivate myself over and over again. My hope was crushed repeatedly, but I remain hopeful. For what? For a better opportunity that I believe would be coming my way soon. However, I've been waiting for more than a year. Shall I wait for another year?

I wish I could wait. But the external factor is testing my patience all too often that I feel like giving up. I ain't a quitter. But what do you expect one would do if you constantly poking him/her with a needle? Okay, with a blunt needle. Perhaps, he/she won't bleed, but it still hurts. One could either walk away from that needle, or remove that needle from the other person's hand. Well, when I couldn't do the latter, I am only left with one choice. Am I?

Sometimes I am foolish, foolish enough to let others step on my head and walk all over me. By the time I realised, it is all too late as I have put myself in a situation that I can't even get out of. I wonder why I just never learn. Am I too kind to allow others to do that to me? There are times I am determined to fight it my way, but I give in easily to others. Sigh...... Do I not belong to this man-eat-man world?

Just few moments ago, I felt so disheartened and helpless. I rang Andrew, who was in the midst of a training, and I almost cried the moment I heard his voice. I just had to swallow everything down and told him to "talk tonight".

I want to just walk away and leave but I do not know what I am waiting for. Or maybe, something is holding me back, and I don't know what it is. Is it the fear of uncertainty or the fear of going into another hell hole?

I once read, the more you talk about your dream, the harder for it to come true. I guess I talk too much about leaving and that is why I am still standing on the same place as ever.

Stop talking and start doing. 
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When Being The Best Is Not Enough

Posted by Fishy Ash
15 years of friendship, been through all the ups and downs together. I was so full of confidence that nothing could tear us apart and the friendship would grow stronger. I overestimated our friendship. Or I shall say, I overestimated myself to have the strength to maintain a friendship with her.

I may not be a good friend, but whenever she needed help, I would have done all I could to be there. When she needed a shoulder to cry on, I was there ready to take in all her craps. When she wanted a companion during her low times, I compromised my other commitments to be with her. I was prepared to be there for her, all she needed to do was just ask and call.

She is a person who would always want to share her feelings and thoughts with me. I appreciate her trust in me. On the other hand, I am not one that would share every little thing with a friend. I share when I feel there is a need. It is so often that she misunderstood I did not treat her as a best friend.

I love to comfort and advise. At times, I realised I have talked too much. Sometimes all she wanted was a listener. I have offended her a few times too when I said the hardest thing to bring her back to the reality. I admitted I was wrong and I apologised. I am fortunate that I was forgiven too. To avoid hurting her again, I chose not to talk or comment so much. After all, she is an adult, she knows exactly what to do. I, as a best friend, should give her the support that she needed.

I talked less, and listened more. I was happier that way. But she didn't feel the same. She said I have changed and I was ignoring her by not talking to her. I was disappointed that she felt that way. Obviously, talking and listening too much weren't all she wanted. I did not know what she wanted from me anymore. However, I was too stubborn to let go. No, I shouldn't let go of something I have put so much effort in. That is just not me, I never give up easily. I picked up the pieces, moved on. Communicated with her all over again and I thought we have finally reached some mutual understanding that could make our friendship last forever.

When she is busy, she expects me to accommodate to her busy schedule. When I am busy, she expects me to accommodate to her out of my busy schedule. I grumbled a bit, but I did all I could. Sometimes I disappointed her, I am sorry. But I know I have done my best.

For her, I never ask for anything in return. It has never crossed my mind to ask her to repay any of my kindness. I believe the friendship was mutual. It was so sweet of her to always insist on sending me home because she feels guilty of asking me out. I've told her don't be, as she is "the only one that I'd never get calculating with".

fter so long, I now feel like a drying well. I have been providing and giving constantly. She never notices how much is left of me to be able to provide and give. Whenever it is drying, I would dig deeper to replenish the well. The deeper I dig, the harder it gets to replenish. I am so deep under the ground, waiting for the rain that would never come.

She broke my heart a few times over the years. I, being the strong and stubborn one, picked up the broken pieces on my own, and mended it. The friendship was so precious to me that I wasn't willing to let go. I was all ready to forgive and move on. I truly believed that bad times could only make the friendship grows stronger than ever.

My heart, that has been broken and mended countless of times, is out of shape. I can't recognise my heart anymore and I doubt I would be able to mend it one more time.

In my life thus far, I have cried twice because of friends. When I was 11, and now at my 30. I thought I would be mature and strong enough to handle it, I was so wrong. I am not as strong as I thought I was.

I do not feel angry, because the feeling of sadness is too overwhelming.

I do not blame her, I blame myself for not doing enough of what she wanted me to.

My 15 years of friendship, has just been denied by the best friend I have ever had. I finally decide to let go after badly wounded. I can now take all the time in the world to heal my wounds and heart.

From now on, I shall not be blamed for not being an understanding friend. Because, I do not care now. Till the time my heart is ready to believe again.

I am sorry, my BFF. I know friends shouldn't turn their back on each other, I am not. But I need a break.
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Reblog: 25 Things About Me (via Fish Avenue)

Posted by Fishy Ash
Picking up the traces of the past, I found this old blog post. Oh well, it's not that old, just 1 year and 4 months ago. I never changed one bit. Those things are still very much of who I am now. Guess I described myself pretty well back then.

I thought I could avoid the fate of being tagged...... I could have chosen to ignore this. But I chose to go with the flow. Since I have some free time. 1. I am married, just in case you do not know. And I am married to my first love. Some said I missed out a lot of fun being with other men. Well, guess I know what's best for myself. 2. I like reading books/novel, thriller/mystery especially. As the saying goes, don't judge a book by its cover. I … Read More

via Fish Avenue

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Half Way

Posted by Fishy Ash

I don't usually start my blog post with a photo. Today is just one of those days that I feel like to. :)

Time zooms past like a rocket. In fact, there is no word that could best describe how fast time passes. Last year September, if you have read it, I briefly blogged about my home that I've been so wanting to move in. The positive reason is I could finally have a home here in KL that I could call my own. The negative push is, I could then finally get out of this hell hole and say bye-bye-no-see to those monkeys that I am living with NOW. If you have rented a place with someone that totally does not know how to do house chores, you would be able to understand my frustration all too well.

Everyday, I could see my future home, being built. It is just opposite where I stay right now. Bought the unit about 2 years ago, before my wedding. It was a tough time back then, having to spend for the wedding and the down-payment for the house. It wasn't easy, but am glad that we bought it. The price now, shot up to RM280,000 for the same unit. For the new phase (Phase 4), it costs RM320,000 at least for a same 1313 square-foot unit. We bought it at RM253,000, with 2 car-park bays.

The unit that we bought, is called LakeCity Condominium Phase 3, by Platinum Victory Development. This one has more than 700 units. I don't like it at all, too high density. But well, what could we do. Our decision to have 2 car-park bays was a good one. We know what it's like to have to look for an empty car park when you reach home, we didn't enjoy it, especially when it was raining cats and dogs! There is going to be a shopping complex right beside the condominium, and a private hospital is on its way too just across the street. The place is going to get busier! I can already foresee the traffic would be bad by then. :(

Our unit is of 1313 square-foot, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 1 study room. We may not want to do so much of renovations in the house, most of the things we now decide to go DIY. Hope we won't be exhausting ourselves later doing all the DIY. LOL! We just hope that by going DIY, we could save some money and not spend so much.

The photo above, on the right hand side is Block B, where our unit will be. Block B is more than 50% completed. But look at Block A on the left hand side, gosh...... Still a long way to go. :( I wish that they could complete it before end of this year. Although I need time to gather some money for the renovations, but I just couldn't stand staying in this rented place anymore. I have had enough of their irresponsibility and bad habits.

Pray hard that it completes before the year ends. The developer is very well-known for its early completion reputation, let's just hope it could make wonders again.
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Quotes

Posted by Fishy Ash
Do you love/like quotes? Whether they're famous, so long as they mean something at some point of my life, I love them. Some of them are branded in my memory permanently, some I could hardly recall. I, consider myself as a quote-aholic.

Quotes do not necessary come from a book or written literature. It could be a sentence in a movie, lyrics of a song, conversations, musical, drama, poems, article, speech...... Some of the quotes are so famous because they come from a famous figure, such as William Shakespeare, Winston Churchill, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Nirvana......

My all-time favorite quote, from Radio Friendly Unit Shifter, by Nirvana, the ever oh-so-famous short-lived band. "I love you for what I am not. I did not want what I have got." I did not know about Nirvana that much, only heard few of their songs every now and then (but thanks to YouTube now, I could listen to every song of theirs). I can't remember in what occasion that quote came to me. It's been my favorite for many years, perhaps more than 10 years. I find that the statement is so true. We all are in love with someone that is different from us. The creator has made all of us different from each other. Every one of us is to complete each other.

Another quote that sits at the top of my favorite is from William Shakespeare. "I am not bound to please thee with my answer." I think it is from his work "The Merchant of Venice". Not too sure. Found this quote many years ago too randomly on the internet. It reminds me that I shall only speak with honesty, not to please others. Even when the honesty may hurt, I shall then choose to remain silence. It also kind of tells me that I am of no obligation to speak to please someone. Hahaha.

There are lots of funny quotes too. Recently saw this from Jenny Sun's FB walls, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it", from W. C. Fields. Every time I think about this quote, I can't help but laugh. Andrew looks at it differently, he said it means "try to do it another way", which is true as well.

There's another cute one, "If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide". Can you guess who said it? Ahh...... It's so easy, just copy and paste this in Google search and you could get the answer. LOL! :P

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. ~ Margaret Wolfe Hungerford
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Passing

Posted by Fishy Ash
I am back in KT.

Was here last weekend. Last Sunday, Andrew's mom told us that his uncle (Andrew's auntie's husband) was hospitalized. We wanted to go visit him, but his family told us he didn't want us to go.

Uncle was diagnosed with nose cancer 3 years ago. The first time I met him, was in Tung Shin Hospital, to receive chemotherapy and radiotherapy. He looked fit and healthy. He had to undergo 5 weeks of intense chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I was pretty shocked as I know how harmful they could be to our human body.

One month later, auntie called as she would like to have dinner with us. Uncle's therapies were coming to an end and they were going back to KT soon. When I saw uncle for the second time, I didn't know what to say. He was half of his size one month ago. Uncle said he wanted to have some Cantonese fried noodles, but when the noodles came, one small mouthful was all he could take. It was too painful for him to eat, his throat was badly burnt due to the radiotherapy. It was so sad. Although we are not very close with him, but knowing that he was a good person and he was still a close relative, you just couldn't help but feel sad.

Over the past 3 years, there were a few relapse. But he never wanted us to go visit him. Andrew met him this Chinese new year and said that he was looking ok. Last week, we didn't know he was in such a critical condition. Tuesday evening, Andrew's mom called and said uncle passed away that afternoon.

This morning was his funeral. All the emotions came rushing back when I saw they started sealing the coffin. That, to me, symbolizes the person is forever gone and I shall never see nor touch that person again. My brother-in-law, my grandma...... Nobody would understand that emotion.

Andrew and I didn't go to KB for the cremation ceremony. It was a relieve to me because I know how hard it could be to the family and I just couldn't bear to see it.

Tonight, I don't know what time, will be rushing back to KL. Gotta work tomorrow.
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喜欢。不能爱。

Posted by Fishy Ash
你是否曾经喜欢上一个人，可是却不能爱？那个人既是异性知己，也是好友。没有其他朋友比对方更谈得来。很想爱，可是却不敢，也不能。只怕爱了，一切都会变了？

今早读了一篇文章，或对，或错。没有对错，只是观点不一样罢了。

其中一段写道：“似乎两人之间只要渗入感情元素，气氛就不一样了。比如去看一场好电影，有几对情侣在互相依偎陶醉之余, 还能正襟危坐的讨论那场电影的成就？ 在无声胜有声的时刻，那实在太无趣了。” 我对这一段，是坚定的不认同的。

无声胜有声真的了无情趣吗？ 难道两个人之间的默契，还不够填补那段无声吗？很多时候，只要我一个眼神，Andrew就能知道我要说/做什么。那对我来说，就算是多年好友都无法知道的。有时候，一句话也没说，只是拖着手，那种从手心里传来的温度，就好比成千上万的甜言蜜语。不是吗？

还有这一段：“我们知道︰有些东西会比爱情恒久，更值得我们追求。这种默契，是属于男女私情之外的，我如此相信。男朋友或是丈夫，都是另一个封闭而完整的圆，对我这个圆来说，可能是相交、相切或重叠，甚至根本在另一个空间，八竿子也打不着的。”

爱情当中，就不能有朋友间的感情和默契吗？这是哪儿门子的道理啊？友情的圆和爱情的圆，八竿子也打不着？ 难道作了男女朋友，就没了友情？那么为何叫男‘朋友’啊？作了夫妻，就不再是朋友么？虽说爱情也有尽头。可是友情也不见得就比爱情恒久。

最后一段：“这种默契，是属于男女私情之外的，我如此相信。可是在这些男生、这些朋友面前，我却可以松开五花大绑，成为一条无限延长的直线，因为不用费心去画一个圆，或是费心去和另一条直线相交叉，我们只是各自奔跑，志同道合就彼此吸引， 成为两条，甚至一组平行直线，也许不属于同一个平面， 但是彼此知道、看得见、互相扶持、互相敬重。我期求这样的友情，这样的男生令我动心而不动情。”

我一直认为在伴侣面前作回原来的自己是最舒服的一件事。可是以上这段，似乎在说只能在朋友面前恣意放任，在伴侣面前却要小心翼翼。

友情就不需要费尽心思去经营吗？我们抽时间去见朋友，就已经是花费心思经营的一种。不是吗？当然经营一段爱情需要花更多的心思。可是，别忘了能够付出其实也算是一种回报，一种快乐。如果不想付出，只想回报，我看连友情都很难维持下去吧。

一对伴侣走在一起，就代表两个人愿意走在同一条路上。两个朋友走在一起，却不代表两个人都愿意走在同一条路上。这个我认同。朋友间就像两条平行线，你有你的走，我有我的走。间中大家互相扶持。到了哪天，当两条线渐行渐远，不再平行时，我们难免会懊恼遗憾一番。

伴侣走在一起的路上就大不同了。就算其中一方走远了，你仍然知道有人在后头跟着。愿意的话，歇一歇，等一等。不愿意的话，那就先走吧，把前面的路走平了，让落在后面的对方待会儿好走些。若是自己落后了，依然知道前方有人在等着，看着。可以的话，脚步加快些，赶上对方。不能的话，也不必心急，同一条路，始终都会赶上的。偶尔埋怨一下对方，可是路还是得继续走下去。能够牵着手一起走，是最好不过了。当然，有些时候，必有一方选择了另一条路。一个人，路还是得走。走不下了吗？为什么一个人就非得留在原地不走？或许前方有另一个愿意等你一起走的人。

我没遇上一个真正能够谈心不谈情的男生。曾经都有过几个要好的异性朋友，可是都是骗人的，都是对我另有企图。身边的朋友，有些口口声声说是红颜知己，好朋友而已。结果现在都已经是夫妻了！也看过朋友拍着胸膛说不动情，结果却陷得深，摔得狠。所以，我不相信红颜知己这回事。要嘛就动了心，用了情。要嘛就是保持朋友距离。红颜知己，也只是自欺欺人的名词罢了。

喜欢，却不能爱。没有这回事。世上只有，爱，却不能拥有。

还记得我曾经和他说过，“哪天要是你不爱了，请坦白告诉我。让我离开，不要让我笨笨的死赖着不走。” 既然不能再拥有了，那就放手啊。说得简单？或许吧。可是，路，还是得继续走下去。即使是，一个人。
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Courtyard Garden Restaurant, Damansara Heights

Posted by Fishy Ash
Last week Andrew has already told me that his friend was planning a birthday surprise for her boyfriend, Shaq. Shaq, is actually Andrew's school mate. We got to know Jennifer, Shaq's girlfriend since last year. Why is his name Shaq? Hahaha. It's his nickname since school because he played good basketball, is tall and big, like the NBA basketball player Shaquille O'Neal. :)

The birthday dinner supposed to be on Friday, but Shaq's family was here in town, gotta postpone the dinner to Saturday. Here we were, at Courtyard Garden Restaurant in Damansara Heights.

My jaw dropped open so big when I saw the prices in the menu. We already expected it to be expensive, since Andrew has promised Jennifer to go, we had to keep to that promise. For a Wanton noodles it costs RM20! A clay-pot assam noodles needs RM28. I told Andrew to better order something which is more worthy than a plate of noodles! LOL! They offer fusion menu, Asian delights and western. All of us went for western! Hahaha.

I ordered an asparagus soup, RM9, and Black Olive Crustecean with scallops and tiger prawns, RM35. Andrew got himself Butter Fish (cajun fish), RM45. Most of us ordered pasta! The pasta is nice I must say, but I couldn't finish mine as it was too oily (although it's olive oil) and it was a lot. Andrew's butter fish wasn't exactly what I like, there was this fishy smell and it was too dry. Overall, we enjoyed the dinner. For us who ordered pastas, we were happy. :) Worth the price or not? Hmm...... You could actually get the similar thing from TGIF. You go figure. :)

If you would like to go for a try, do not get stunned by the prices, I warn you first. :) Will I go again? Hmm...... I don't think so. :P Unless you're the one who pick up the tab. Hehehe.

While having my pasta, I had a flashback of our times in Taipei, having our lovely lunch in Mr. J's restaurant. I'd still prefer the pasta in Mr. J's restaurant. Gosh....... I miss Taipei so much.

Please pardon my photos quality, taken by my miserable 2MP iPhone 3G. It is still better than none.

Geez... O.P. Ribs, RM220 per kg!!! What is that??!!!

My asparagus soup, not bad. Not thick enough though, pretty watery.

The Black Olive Crustacean! It is nice, they're not stingy in the ingredients. Pretty healthy with all the greens, olive oil and tomatoes.

Andrew's Butter (cajun) Fish. Love the greens, but the fish is a bit too dry.

The birthday boy! And we had Baskin Robbins ice-cream cake for desserts. :D

Shaq got a box of Marlboro as birthday gift, and he gave us one to keep. :) No, Andrew and I don't smoke. This is purely for collection.
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Have You Facebook-ed Lately?

Posted by Fishy Ash
I am addicted to Facebook, I guess most of you know that. Games, updating status, commenting...... In fact Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with friends and family.

But I am overdosed with Facebook. Everyday, I spend at least 4 hours on Facebook. Weekends, if I did not go out, I'd be hooked on Facebook for 6 or 8 hours. Scary, isn't it?

Lately, I finally have enough of Facebook. The games are getting boring, and the comments I received from friends in Facebook over my status, photos or whatever I posted, is overwhelming. I realised, I've lost my privacy and freedom to share. I have always hold on to one belief, if you have nothing good to say, please don't say it. However, it is not everyone who could do just that. I've received some comments that weren't so pleasant to read. Sometimes I just needed to share my frustration and it attracted unwanted remarks that could make me feel so bad about myself. Many a times people try to be smart to teach or advise me on what to do best but they forgot all I need is just some listening ears (or I should say reading eyes). Usually all I shared was a statement yet they misunderstood it was a question and they started throwing me tonnes of answers and better still, questioning.

Anyway, I can't just start blaming everybody since I was the one who would like to share in the first place. So, to give myself a break from all the unwanted comments, I've decided it is time for me to take a break from Facebook. Took me more than a year to realise excessive sharing of my personal life in Facebook isn't a good thing, at all.

Guess you will be seeing more of me here in the blogosphere. Blogging or writing is still the best way to share compare to those "status updates" in Facebook. Perhaps, I shall be more careful in what I share in the future.

I think most of you out there would start saying "who asked you to share/write so much in Facebook, you brought it upon yourself". Well, maybe. Fortunately I still have my sense to put a stop to it. :)

It is time to get back on the normal track of my life. Start reading and picking up things that I left behind for so long that I couldn't even remember.

Now, let's see some funny clips from South Park. I was laughing so hard and kept nodding my head to see how true they are. :)

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Random Thoughts

Posted by Fishy Ash
No, I'm not sad. I am pissed. Not angry, but pissed and annoyed.

People, before you start asking question, please think twice. The question you throw at others could be something that person is avoiding or struggling for a right answer to tell you.

If you do not want to have a child, please do not ask others "why are you not pregnant" too. Or, "when are you going to have a baby". That person might not want a child too. Respect their decisions and choices.

If you have difficulties in having a child, please do not ask others the same questions as above over and over again too. That person may have his/her own difficulties too. Respect their difficulties and privacy.

If you have children and a happy family, please bear in mind that there are individuals or married couples out there who enjoy the happiness of solitary or being with their partners only. Respect their beliefs that may differ from yours.

The same goes to married people who always ask why the singles aren't married, the singles ask why the married got married and/or those in the relationship are getting question why they're not married yet.

It could be the first time you ask the question, but it could be the 100th times the other person heard it. If at all you just have to ask, try asking it in another way. There are so many ways to ask a question without hurting the other person, why not get creative and ask in a discreet way? Or put yourselves in their shoes for 5 seconds, then only ask the question. Trust me, you'll see it in a whole new way and ask a more appropriate question.

Life is already tough enough and we all are doing our very best to make it a happy and an enjoyable journey.

I may or may not have fertility issues. But I have made a choice of not having a child for the time being, please respect my decision. Perhaps, I have no problem at all, but I may just choose to adopt a child rather than having one, there are so many lovely orphans out there. Please respect that too. I too, have chosen to marry my husband. Do you see it? It is all about making decisions and choices. When you expect others to respect yours, you have got to respect others' too.

If you tell me it is all out of concern, then please do it the right way. There are so many things in life that you could ask about, why must limit them to only reproductive and marriage issues?

I say I have no appetite to eat, instead of asking me "are you pregnant", you could have just asked "are you ok". I say I am craving for some food, instead of asking "pregnant makes you craving", you could have just suggested me where to get some nice food. See, it is so simple and yet people always try to make it so complicated.

If you do not like what I wrote here, there's no need for you to get all upset and angry. Just close the browser and maybe curse a little. After all, this is MY blog. Like it or not, Ashley is still Ashley.
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Baby TALK

Posted by Fishy Ash
Whenever I saw someone else's baby, the urge to have one that I could call my own was so strong. Babies are cute, fun, lovable, adorable, innocent...... When they smile, the whole world melts away. Their smiles could always chase away my sorrow. The smell of baby is such a pure bliss. When they are bigger and sometimes say the sweetest thing in the world, it makes you the happiest person ever in the world. I too, love babies and children. I too, have taken care of my niece and nephews when they were babies.

After reading the first paragraph, I guess most of you would want to shout out to me to give me some encouragement. "Go for it, Ashley......  What are you waiting for, have one baby of your own now...... You'll be happy with your own baby...... It's time for you to have one...... You're not young anymore......" LOL! I could hear them already. :)

I am both an idealist and a realist. If I ever had the slightest feeling of uncomfortable, I will not do it. I know more than anyone else in this world, that I am NOT ready. I am not ready to take on that responsibility just yet. Well, I may or may not have my own children in the future, but for the time being, I am not prepared for it. I know exactly having a child entails great responsibility. And great responsibility means commitment. That commitment is one that I have yet to learn to pick up.

There's another reason too. Last night I was talking to Andrew about having a child. I told him honestly that I would not be able to handle it if I have a baby without anyone there to help me. I am very sure I'll have postpartum depression if I were to take care of the baby all alone. The postpartum depression runs in my family history, though not serious, the possibility of me having it is very big. Fortunately, Andrew agrees with me! LOL! He agrees that I would just lose it if the baby cries. Hahaha. It's either I'll just throw the baby away or I'll burst out crying together with the baby. I have seen my sisters in that kind of situation, I certainly do not wish to see myself in the same situation too.

Financially, it is not a good time too with the house coming. Also, both of us have been enjoying the freedom of no-strings-attached.

Perhaps when everything settles down next year, we will start thinking and planning about it. I know, I know. It may not come when actually you want it. I truly understand. I am lucky enough to find a man that shares the same opinion and vision. :)

Right now, we are loving the way life is. We are not rich, we are in debts, but we are happy. Sometimes you just have to make the best out of it.

For the moment, I am simply enjoying taking care of and having fun with my niece and nephews. It's wonderful to see them growing from small babies to BIG kids now.
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Am I A Crazy Shopper?

Posted by Fishy Ash
In my previous post, if you've read, I've bought a blue dress for RM167. Andrew was a bit surprised with the price, but he is always very sweet to say "as long as you like it, it's ok, and by the way, it is pretty". He has never tried to stop me from buying anything, he would only ask if I needed it.

I'd buy cheaper clothes too, if they're nice. I've even tried online-shopping. My last online-shopping experience wasn't a good one. I was so disappointed. I've bought 9 pieces of tops and dresses altogether, amounting to RM261. Guess what, only 3 of them are wearable! That is sad, isn't it? RM261 for 9 pieces is VERY cheap. But when you could only wear 3 of them, you do the maths. Out of that 3 pieces, one T-shirt, one off-shoulder blouse and one cotton dress. The rest of them, bad quality, poor workmanship, way too different from the photos on the web, sizes are not consistent with what mentioned on the web too. Shall post the photos of them when I have the courage to look at them again. Now whenever I see them, I feel sad. Can't wear them nor give them away. They are so bad I wouldn't want another person to feel that I'm giving them unwanted bad stuff. I may sound a little exaggerating, but one thing could prove that they're really bad. Tried all of them on and showcased to Andrew, he has never said a word except smiling. Oh well, perhaps one word he did say when I asked if it looked nice, "OK" was his only answer.

So now, you tell me, would you rather spend RM261 for 3 casual simple clothes? With that RM261, I could get a pretty dress from Miss Selfridge and a nice top from Dorothy Perkins which I could wear to work. Most importantly, I know I am going to wear them!

Okay, I am finding excuses to justify my shopping spree. LOL!
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Shopping Spree Continues

Posted by Fishy Ash
Had a date with my fellow 'sistas', Jenny, Yee and Wan Yi. Wan Yi told me last night that she could join us. Jenny is at her 3rd trimester, so good that I could finally feel and touch her big tummy. :D

We had our lunches in Din Tai Fung in The Gardens Mall. The Xiao Long Bao (steamed dumpling) is so nice! Juicy and tender. I had a bowl of beef noodles too, thumbs up! Reminded me of all the beef noodles I had in Taiwan. Oh, I miss Taiwan so much.

After a satisfying lunch, gotta do some exercise instead of sit and chat and let the fats accumulated around our waists. LOL! Got myself a Le Sportsac handbag, my first Le Sportsac! Hahaha. Wan Yi got one too. Around 3pm, we all went separate ways. Me, while waiting for Andrew who was on his way, went to Topshop, Dorothy Perkins and Miss Selfridge to hunt for my "perfect" top. I managed to grab a few of them! Oh my gosh, it's been a while since I last splurged on clothes! Not even when I was in Taiwan! Geez...... Enough of spending, Ashley. Please don't go back to your old shopaholic self.

From Miss Selfridge, RM167 after discount.

From Dorothy Perkins, RM80.10 each, after discount. They don't look nice and attractive right? Well, look perfectly beautiful when you put them on! I was surprised they suit me well. :)

Le Sportsac handbag, RM95 after 50% discount."

Few hundreds gone. :(
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Shop Till You Drop

Posted by Fishy Ash
Isetan is having anniversary sale this month, 3-day members special starting yesterday. The crowd was crazy, we didn't even get the chance to go into the car park, the traffic at the KLCC entrance was so bad! I told Andrew even if we got in, the chance to get an empty car park within 10 minutes would be very dim too. Seeing that we too were rushing to go home to watch the Thomas Cup, I decided to go home and do the shopping today.

Got there around 11 this morning, hoping the crowd would not be big. Luckily, no crowd at all. Went to TGV KLCC to see if we could grab any movie later. Well, earliest show for The Bounty Hunter is 4.20pm. Bummer! That is too late. No other good movie, full concentration on my shopping then. LOL!

Went straight to Clinique, I was the only customer. :D Geez...... There were so many things I needed to replenish! Looked at the amount, oh Lord! I could feel my heart ached so much and Andrew was like "whoa, that is a lot! But well, if you really need them, that is ok though." Aww...... That was so sweet of him to comfort me. I have no idea why my skincare all finished at the same time! Usually they did not, I used to replenish one at a time. The money involved was too scary, I dropped a few items in the hope that the existing ones could still last me another month.

If it was ME 2 years ago, I wouldn't even blink an eye to buy all of them. I am proud to say that I am a more careful consumer now. :) Thanks to Wan Yi and Melissa. They are constantly telling me "do not buy what you do not need".

Roaming around in KLCC whilst waiting for my ex-colleagues to come, also looking for a gorgeous top for my upcoming photography session, hopefully! Hahahaha. Argh, couldn't find one that caught my eyes. Finally my ex-colleagues reached, passed me a bottle of super healthy fish oil that promise could improve health dramatically. So nice of my ex-colleagues to come all the way from PJ to give me the fish oil. Couldn't thank them enough. I am truly blessed with many little angels. :)

Tomorrow meeting with another 2 angels. Hope I could grab some really yummy-looking top then.

Bought 5 pieces from Clinique, and one from Origins.

Something to share about this Origins Youthtopia eye cream. Using Rhodiola as one of the ingredients, it claims it is able to reduce fine lines, puffiness, dark circles and helps firm the skin. I have been using it for more than a year, this is the 3rd bottle. What I love about it is that it is made from all natural ingredients, no chemicals. Hence, it is not oily at all even though it is pretty creamy. It feels oily and heavy on your fingertips, but when you dab it around your eyes, you will only feel that it is creamy but definitely not oily. I can't use oily products on the skin around my eyes, otherwise I'll get oil seeds and that would be nasty. The skin around my eyes used to be very dry. I've tried a lot of eye products that claimed to work wonders and magic. None of them really worked. Some of them were so oily and caused oil seeds to grow and I have gone through a tough time removing them. I gave up on my eyes for some time, only using the hydration eye gel from Clinique to prevent it from dehydration. It was by chance I stumbled upon this Youthtopia. Tried it for the first time, didn't like it. Since I've bought it, I gotta use it. 1 month later, I noticed my skin around the eyes was improved! It is still dry, but I no longer have fine lines! Also, the skin has more elasticity now, it is no longer sagging. I am absolutely loving it. No worries about applying too much of it. RM160 for 15ml, which can last 6 months if you use it day and night.

I've been a loyal customer of Clinique. I can't remember for how long, 5 or 6 years perhaps. Their products are less expensive compared with others. They do not have celebrity as their spokesperson, guess that's why they managed to keep their prices reasonable. Also, their products are milder and gentler on the skin.

Lancome, Estee Lauder, Shu Uemura, L'Oreal, Kose, Shiseido, Clarins...... I've tried them all. Most of the times, 6 months of usage, either they were too oily for me, or they lost their effects on me. Clinique is the only brand that balances everything out on my face. There are people telling me some of Clinique products contained alcohol which is harmful to our facial skin. Well, after years of usage, I would say my face is still looking good, if not best. :)

Love Clinique's Airbrush Concealer and Derma White concealer stick. They are so easy to apply, do not cause dryness, do not flake, and not oily! Their Derma White liquid foundation is very light too, but I've stopped using it for quite some time since I now prefer BB cream and the mousse foundation I got from Taiwan.

Okay, enough of Clinique. :) More photos.

6 pieces of free gifts plus few other which the lovely sales assistant always smuggled into the bag for regular customers. :)

Andrew insisted on buying me this since the one I have now cracked at its end although it is still usable. He said now I could have one at home and one at work. :) Thank you my dearest.
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On The Other Side

Posted by Fishy Ash
I love to take photos, I love photography, that is a known fact. But do you know that I love to be photographed too? I finally get to be on the other side of the camera, "full-time". :D

Owner of the sweet Canon 450D for 1 and a half years, Andrew has never offered to photograph me except when we were traveling. I would have to tell him "take here, I want this... I want to see this...... right right, left left......" LOL! Bossy? Hahaha. Perhaps. I have lots of photos, but never a proper portraits kind.

I did not expect it to be a total photo-shooting session with Wan Yi and Melissa! We started off with a 3 hours of karaoke in Redbox The Gardens, singing our hearts and lungs out. Although I was late, I had a wonderful time still. The Backstreet Boys' Everybody is still echoing in my little head. Haha.

After the karaoke, the unbelievable photo-shooting session began! And I, have become their model, officially. Or I shall say "guinea pig"? LOL! They wanted a BIG "moving" subject to practice, and I was happy to be that subject. Hahaha. Who to blame?! I never had a GOOD photo-shooting session of my own.

Here, let's see what we have now. I am so, so, so happy with all the photos. I am happy as a clam! :D

(These are from Wan Yi. For photos from Melissa, click HERE.)







A great day has come to an end, in a great way. :)

Went dinner with Wan Yi and Kong, fish head noodles, in Kuchai Lama. Pretty good. Had my first sip of the soup, thought the one in Desa Petaling that Phoebe brought me to was nicer. Towards the end, found that this one was better. The milk isn't too much and that makes the soup whole lot better. I almost finished the soup!
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Old Regs. New Way.

Posted by Fishy Ash

When the sitcom Friends was still a hit on the TV....... When I just stepped into the ever-so-strange college...... When I first explored the everything-is-possible world of internet...... When the Yahoo! Chat was such an IN thing to do...... When Yahoo! Messenger was nothing but the hippest to have...... When others were crazy about ICQ, Hotmail and mIRC, I was hooked on Yahoo! Chat.


Yahoo! used to have plenty of chat-rooms that ran on Java. I was addicted to it, especially with this particular group of people in Friends chat-room! They are all from different countries, different ethnic groups, backgrounds and ages. But we all had one common interest - Friends - the hottest TV sitcom back then.


How long was I hooked on it? I would say during my 4 years of college, I spent pretty much of my free time chatting with them. Everyone knew everyone back then. We never ran out of things to talk. Anything under the sun could be our topic of the day. The time difference was never an issue to us. The group grew and grew, to a point that we became the old regulars of that particular chat-room.


We never met each other in real life. Some of them yes, but not me. I remember there was a girl from Penang, but seeing that I was restricted by the "resources" I had back then, 2 of us didn't have the chance to meet too. What's more where most of them are overseas.


Thanks to those virtual friends, I had the chance to polish my English. I learned their slangs, the way they wrote and typed. Now, I guess I have forgotten most of them. LOL!


When I finished college, the chat-room was kind of dying. It was empty most of the time, the old regs weren't there anymore. Everyone had just moved on with their life. A new group of people took over. We hardly get in touch after that, only a handful of them that I still spoke to. And the next moment before I knew it, Yahoo! Chat is gone.


Now, now...... Some old reg has made some effort, created a group in Facebook, inviting all the old regs!!! Good grief, most of them are back! I was so excited to see all of them! All those familiar humorous user ID...... Geez...... They bring back so much memories. We are now all on Facebook! Time really flies. Some I haven't even talked to for more than a decade! Gosh......


I guess you must be wondering why on earth I go all gaga over a bunch of virtual people who I have never met. Hmm...... I have no idea. Perhaps, they are proof that I was once silly and young and I did have a great time at some point of my life. Most importantly, they are part of my SWEET memories that I would definitely like to keep.


It's a blessing to be able to keep in touch with them once again. You can never say you have too many friends. Be it virtual or real. :)


I love you, Perkapalooza! (Okay, don't ask me what that means, I don't know either! LOL! Someone came up with it few years back and now it became the name of the group in Facebook. :P )



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Legalise the Illegal

Posted by Fishy Ash

Last week, 7th Of May 2010, Government May Legalise Sports Betting, was in the local newspaper and people is talking about it ever since.


If you have not already know, sports betting or gaming or the so-called bookies activities are illegal in Malaysia. I still remember when I was small, mom brought me to a salon for haircut and I heard someone came running into the salon shouting "mata coming" ('mata' as in police in local dialect). It was only later I heard mom said that there was an underground bookie operating in that salon. Even right up to this day, the police is constantly raiding bookies for illegal sports betting.


After so many years, the government is now considering to legalise it. What a dramatic move. There are a lot of reasons behind. Perhaps the government could make some revenue out of it. Maybe by legalising it, the government will be able to lessen the illegal bookie activities and thus giving the government more control. Also, the risk of bookies run away with the money would be lower then.


However, from the people point of view, I, see it as encouraging the people to gamble. No doubt, perhaps we can then curb the problem of illegal bookies running away with the money, and it helps to stabilise the betting system. But by legalising it, they are indirectly sending the wrong message that "everyone can bet freely" (of course there will be some age limit I believe).


Why is the prostitution not legalised then? Perhaps by legalising it we can curb the problems of underground/underage prostitution, and government could then have a better control over it. Something to think about.


[polldaddy poll=3177951]
Do you agree to legalise the sports betting?


(polls)

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Surprise Cooked

Posted by Fishy Ash

It was a little hilarious that they thought I was going to COOK something for Andrew. Yes, I was cooking, but not food. :) I was anxiously cooking a surprise for him since 2 months ago. Oh, the surprise did involve food though. Haha. Just that I wasn't the one to cook it.


Been searching for bakery that could actually do a Ferrari F1 car design. It is either too expensive or they just simply could not do it. There was a baker quoted me RM1000 for a cake like that! Gosh!


Seeing that all hopes were gone, decided to just order some cupcakes with cute animated arts on top of them from BunsInTheOven. I hesitated for a while because I had to collect the cupcakes on my own, they do not do delivery. It was in the middle of March, when I saw they had made a series of F1 Ferrari theme cupcakes, I knew that I was so going to get it or else I'd be sour! Hahaha! I was so disappointed when they told me they couldn't make it on 3rd of May, which was Andrew's birthday. :( I was so determined to give him a surprise. So, I accommodated to the baker's date and postponed the surprise to a week later.


No regrets! Andrew loves them! He couldn't bring himself to eat them, they are so cute! What is more contented than seeing the man you love loves the surprises you gave? :)





The cupcake was of chocolate flavor. It is very moist and soft and fluffy, not too sweet, very yummy indeed. The sugary arts on top of the cupcake was too sweet though. I guess that's why the baker didn't make the cupcakes too sweet, the sugar on top is just enough to compensate that.


Guess I will be ordering more themed cupcakes from them in the future. :)

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Eyes On Me

Posted by Fishy Ash

Last Friday morning, 30th April 2010, approximately 8am, after a heavy downpour, there it was, clear blue sky. Andrew was driving, on our way to work. 5 minutes away from the condominium that we are staying, I saw it. A beautiful rainbow at its bloom in the sky. I wanted to take a photo of it with my iPhone, Andrew reminded me that we have brought our camera along, why not use that. Took my sweet 450D out, happily snapping away, smiling to myself that I finally got the rainbow on camera. Showing and telling Andrew how beautiful the rainbow was. I love rainbow, for it always brings a smile to my face, without any reason. Whether it is the colors, I am not too sure. Rainbow makes me feel happy. :) Never would I have imagined from this day on, rainbow would add another layer of mystery to me.


Few days ago, only did I have the time to upload the photos to my laptop. Browsing through the photos, my finger stopped clicking for next photo, my eyes went all wide and my jaw almost dropped when I saw it. I gasped, enlarged it, zoomed in, zoomed out, wiped the screen clean, blinked my eyes numerous times, then I shouted for Andrew to come quick. It wasn't the fear that had me shouting for him, I just wanted to make sure he saw what I saw too.


There he was, looking at the photo.


Me: Are you seeing it?
 Andrew: Yes, why?
Me: Do you see what that is?
Andrew: Yeah, a pair of eyes. So? There's another EYE on the top left corner too.
Me: What "so"? A pair of eyes ON the sky! Where did it come from? What is that? Why is it there?
Andrew: It's nothing ok, maybe just some reflections.
Me: ...... ...... ......


And there he was, leaving me alone in the room went all wide-eyed at the photo trying to find an explanation for it.


Okay, he saw it, that proved my eyes are seeing it alright. But how? How did that pair of eyes get there? The photo was taken from inside the car, reflection of something on the windscreen? No, windscreen was clear as the rain had stopped for quite a while when we got out. Reflection of something on the dashboard? No, nothing on the dashboard, not our habit to put things there. The lens? No, if it were to be the lens, the following photo would have the same thing too, but no. Something in the car reflected on the windscreen?


I have checked the car for 2 days in a row. Nothing in the car could have made such an eye-like reflections. Not a pair of round thing in the car that resembles anything like that. So, what was that? Are they seriously a pair of eyes appeared in the sky over the rainbow? Why did they appear then? To watch over us? To scare us?


I so wanted to believe that it was some reflections of something. I so wanted to convince myself they are not the eyes.


I look at the photo everyday, trying very hard to figure out what they are. The darker rings on the outside, the white area on the inside, the black on the center and the rings got thicker on the upper part. They all make it a pair of eyes.


No one could offer me a solid and good explanation. Most of my friends told me they are of reflections of something.


I am not afraid, nor am I disturbed by it. I merely wish to find an explanation to it. If it were some signs from above, I would like to believe that it is a good sign. If it were some phenomenon that can be explained scientifically, please, someone out there, do tell me.


Guess what, just a few moments ago, I was looking at the photo again. Zoomed in and out for so many times. Andrew was beside me and I asked again, "do you think it's reflections? I don't see how a reflection can do that." "No, it's not reflections", he said. Geez, Andrew is one that would not tell me things in such a serious face and tone if he doesn't believe it himself. Now, now, it just adds more mystery to it.


If you could offer me some explanation, do drop me a line here. I could email the photo to you if you would like to study it.


Here's the photo. By the way, the rainbow was amazing. Too bad that it wasn't an over-the-sky rainbow.




[caption id="attachment_2630" align="aligncenter" width="465" caption="Can you see it?"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2631" align="aligncenter" width="465" caption="This is the photo taken after the one above."][/caption]


No, if you think that I may have edited or Photoshop-ed the photo to add in the eyes. I do not have to do that to draw attention. I do not need that kind of attention. :)

Category: 3 comments

Ma, I Love You, Dearly.

Posted by Fishy Ash

As far as I could remember, I have never said "I love you" to my mother. Nor did I say it to my father. I just wasn't brought up in a family that expresses love in that way. It's all in the actions.


My mother, used to be a full-time housewife and part-time tailor, to help out on the family's expenses. She used to make us a lot of lovely dresses and hats too. In fact, she is still sewing at home, but her customers are mostly relatives. No rush, no haste, she is now taking her time. Sometimes she uses 6 months to finish a blouse. She is also helping father in his office. It is now so often that she complains that my father doesn't do most of the things, they are all delegated to her and she is so busy in the office. :)


Mother used to be a teacher too. Grandma was a teacher, when she had a stroke and couldn't teach, my mother replaced her to teach in the school for a few months until grandma recovered. Mother has constantly been a very strict teacher to all of us when we were small. The long ruler she used for her sewing works, was our biggest "enemy" of all time. :) She has had no problem buying replacements after they broke on our "thick skin". I had a small scar on my left eyelid, the ruler broke and one of the tiny pieces decided my eyelid was its best target. I remember, that was because I failed my Bahasa Malaysia in Standard 3.


She is the best cook, ever, to me. The food from a famous chef of a famous restaurant could taste heavenly. However, nothing can beat my mother's home-cook dishes that taste like HOME. I could have a week of nice and luxury food in 7 different restaurants, but I would always look forward to a hearty meal from mother at home. She knows every of our favorites, and there is never for once we felt the food was not enough. No matter how tough the time was, she has never failed to cook a warm and nutritious meal for us.


Mother is our superwoman too. Whenever we fell sick in the school, she would be the one, riding on her precious bicycle, to pick us up from school. We are all too familiar with the scene of sitting at the back of the bicycle, wrapping our arms so tightly around her waist, and smelling in her soothing scent in the wind. It was so often that we left our homework at home, we rang her up from school and she would always have her way of finding where we left our homework, bringing them to us in the school on her super-ride.


How in the world a woman could manage 4 daughters of different age at the same time? How did she manage to fulfill our different needs? What has she endured to bring up 4 of us? Who is taking care of her needs then? Where did she go when she needed a break from everything? I have never seen her absence in my life, she has never taken any break. How did she do that? I have no idea.


She is a mother, a tailor, a teacher, a cook, a healer...... She is almost everything and anything that we need. We can never repay her enough.


I have before complained that my mother isn't considerate enough and is money-minded. But who could blame her for being protective towards her daughter and wanting only the best for her daughter? Having said that, never have I disliked her or loved her less for one moment.


I am not a perfect person but, she has taught me well.


Thank you, Ma. I love you, dearly. Happy Mother's Day. To all the mothers too.


P. S.: My mom would probably never read this. This post is for myself. :) I want to remind myself how much she has sacrificed for us and I shall never forget that. Shall ring her up tomorrow, of course not about I left my homework at home. :P

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