I need to write this down before I forget.
During my wedding day, when I stepped out of the house, I didn't hug my parents and my sisters. I just kept saying "bye" and "see you" to all of them. I was kind of in an ecstatic condition and I just couldn't remember what to do next other than to go with the flow. Looking back, I wasn't feeling anything emotional on that day. It was more like putting up a show for the rest to see, to take photos, to talk...... When someone asked me that afternnon "So, Ashley. Are you happy today?" I was stunned, honestly. I hesitated for a few seconds, to make everyone happy, I replied "Of course I'm happy!" Deep down, I seriously did not feel anything. I'm not sure if this is normal.
Later that evening, I was rushing for the make-up as I was late. Again, I felt like to put up a great show for others to see. When I was in the restaurant welcoming the guests, I said "hi" to all of them with a big grin on my face. It was only then when I saw my parents and sisters I felt happy. The only emotion that I felt later was when I saw Andrew's younger brother hugged Andrew and turned around with tears in his eyes. Sad? Happy? Touched?
I felt it was all like a show. I was playing the part as the bride, but I just couldn't get into that role on that day. I may look happy on the outside, but I just couldn't remember being really happy.
I could finally enjoy the day after. Went out with family and friends together with the photographer. They were taking the last bus at 8.30pm that night. We went to beaches and some other places. Glad to see that the children were finally having some fun. I could finally relax a bit with them.
While seeing them off in the bus, I couldn't help but cried. It's not that I'm going to stay in Terengganu and not going to see them for a long time. I don't understand why I cried. I didn't cry the day I got married but I cried while parting with them. After sticked together for so many days, I just felt sad that they were going back. I could see that father was holding his tears back. My nephew cried too. When my sis asked him why he cried, he just simply answered "I don't know" and he wanted me to go back with him. So sweet of him.
The next day, father wrote me an email, which made my eyes wet again. I had never in my life expected father to write such a touching and emotional email!
An email from Dad:
Don't cry girl, you already become a wife of Gin Kiat you should feel happy to be a wife to go on your life. Everyone the same have to come across this step. Yesterday when I & Ma saw you crying we felt like to tear also, but your Ma ready tear for you, I hardly control not to. You can do as usual, come back every month as before than you will not feel any different at all. Papa & Mama and your sister are ready love you deeply, sister always one for all & all for one.
Below this part pls read to Gin Kiat.
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Gin Kiat, yesterday I already hand over my lovely daughter to you, you should take good care of her and love her. You love her so you marry her isn't it? so you must love her through you life, protect her and not to harm her. No other girls come into your life form now on, because she is the one you choose to be your wife.
Sign off 08-12-2008 from your father
I'm putting this up here to remind myself in the future.
After the wedding, the only difference I feel is that I am Andrew's wife now and he is my husband. It's just so sweet to hear him calling "wifey". Hahahaha......
Anyway, life goes on as usual.
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