I do not have a lot of "close" friends. It was worse before I met some new friends last year. Before that, I always went out with my best buddy, Phoebe, or I went out alone. Andrew is working shift, the timing is always wrong for us.
Last year met this new bunch of friends, I never thought that I would make new friends again. So happy to have found them.
Sometimes I wonder, if I have done enough for my friends. Some claimed that I kept wanting friends to understand me yet I did not understand them at all. I was sad when I got to know that. I considered myself as, if not always, will be there when friends need me. In fact, I did help friends. But when I am the one who is in need of help, I could hardly find one, except my best buddy. I know that whether I am helpful enough isn't for me to judge, it is how other people think and judge. Who knows some of them may think that I have never lend a helping hand.
Over the years, I tried to learn to care less. However I failed. Everytime someone turned to me for help, eventhough I have promised myself not to get hurt for second time, I would still go all out to help. What did I get at the end? A broken heart of my own. Disappointment.
Andrew told me I shouldn't be expecting any return if I wanted to help someone. Yep, he is right. Guess I was too silly and naive to believe that if I helped, he/she would be a better friend. I forgot that friends are human too, they are not superhuman. I shall not look for any return.
I wish I could be like one of them, "don't care, don't bother, you think that way, that's none of my problem." Yes, someone said that to me.
We should cherish our friendship. Yes, you don't care, you can't care. But please at least do not hurt your friends. If you can't be there, be honest instead of promising now and breaking it later. Honesty is the most important factor in a friendship. You break it now, you may never earn it back.
I'll remember the good and sweet memories with my friends.
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