Fish Avenue

Last night was chatting with a friend on MSN. Suddenly talked about my childhood.

I have 2 elder sister, 11 years apart between eldest sis and me, while 7 years apart between my 2nd sis and me. Then I have a younger sis, 2 years younger. After 7 years of not having a baby in the family, supposingly I should be the favorite child. Indeed grandma adored me the most, dad does it in a discreet way. When my younger sis was born, mom kind of got distracted and put more effort in taking care of her.

Being in a big family, I must admit that I learned how to get attention. I did everything I could to get mom's attention more. Obeyed to what she asked of me, tried very hard not to make her angry...... Not to say my mom doesn't love me or that she is bias. She still fed me well and took great care of me. She used to make a lot of dresses for us, knitted bags and hats for us. It was only at a later stage she got very busy with her own tailor works to help with the family expenses, she did not have much time to make dresses for us. Every now and then she would still do for us if we request.

There's always been some voices in my head, telling me I must prove to mom that I worth her attention. I did a lot of dancing in primary school, studied very hard to get good grades (except for Bahasa Malaysia which I always failed miserably, LOL), involved myself in a few society in secondary school (and I was a sucker in sports, hahaha!!!), took part in some competitions and got some trophies, buried myself in mathematics when mom said I was weak in maths...... Mom has never had to worry about my studies. I love to see the sparkles in mom's eyes whenever I told her I did something well. I still remember there were a few occasions where I hurt myself and called her from school, she dropped everything and rushed all the way to school on her bicycle.

I got what I wanted. I finally make her proud. In fact, she is proud of us 4. People would always ask her if she feels regret that she doesn't have any son. "I have 4 great daughters which are definitely better than someone's boys out there. Why regret?" She said. When I was small I'd been hearing all kind of remarks about her not having any son. That is part of the reason I fought hard, for her.

Looking at her photos, she is so much older now, all her wrinkles are so visible. She has done so much for me and yet I can't do much for her. Except going back home more frequent.

Mom, thank you very much. I love you. Muacks!