Fish Avenue

This is a long article, which a friend forwarded it to me. I've received this before, years ago. But I guess I couldn't really understand the meaning of it back then. Now to read it all over again with my not-so-new-yet-not-so-long-ago married status, I could finally connect myself with it and see it in a whole new light.

I do not know who wrote this. Please write to me know if you happen to know the original author/writer, as I do not want to take credit from sharing this without crediting the person properly.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "how do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "it depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered, "how do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to do anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening to you. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there, doing nothing, and then something came along and happened to you.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this), "THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON, IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND."

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always, "God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

THE END

There are some points above that I agree and disagree.

EVERY relationship has a cycle, that I agree. From falling in love, to passionately in love, to romance, to settling down and all of a sudden, the passion simmers down. Every couple ends up in a quiet and steady relationship. What's next? Either they got married or they don't, or they break up and move on with others to begin with another whole new cycle.

What I do not agree is that, there is never a dull moment in my relationship with Andrew. Quiet, perhaps. But it is never dull. We have quarrelled and had fights (eventhough most of the times I was the one who got angry :P), I wouldn't say that it's dull.

I have questioned myself before, should I marry him? But I have never questioned about "is he the one". There's no doubt that he's the one, as I do not want any other guy. I have had other choices, but I stick to what I have chosen in the first place. Be it better or worse, I've made my choice. And never there's a moment I question "did I marry the right person". If I ever should have any doubt, that should come before I stepped into the marriage ground (or some may like to call it grave :)) Since I am now in it, I'd better make sure I work every sweat and blood I have to make it work and last!

If you know me well enough, you should know that I am a very committed person, both at work and in personal life. Once I set my head into doing something, I'll make sure I reach the goal that I desire. The keyword here is, I desire. If I desire to go to the end of it, I'll do whatever I could to achieve it, not even my friends/family could stop me. Or if I desire to stop it now, nothing could have changed my mind. Some said that I am as stubborn as a rock, and even rock can break sometimes, but not me. LOL! Committed or stubborn? I don't know. You tell me.

I love this: "The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person, it's learning to love the person you found." That is so true. It doesn't matter if Andrew is the right one, or not, I love him. And that is more than anything else. Isn't it? And I am still learning to love him the right way, it is a life-long lesson that's never going to end. He is the one that I refuse to let go all these years, I ain't going to let go in the future too.

If you wake up one day and realise that you've married the wrong person, please take a good look at the face of your spouse and tell yourself, he/she is the one you found and chose, it was your decision, learn to love him/her!

I'm in the labor of love, each and every day. :)