Fish Avenue

You never said goodbye.

Someone tell me why.

Did you have to go?

And leave my world so cold.

Is he really gone?

To the fans, he is never gone. His voice is still surrounding us everyday if we let it.

To his family, they may have felt his absence more than anyone else in the world.

It's been a year, without realising it. It feels like it is only yesterday.

I couldn't help but got teary this morning when I heard his voice coming through the radio. (Shh...... Andrew didn't know, he would have laughed at my silliness if he knew. He is pretty skeptical about people tearing for an idol that they have not met or touched. :) ) I wonder if it was me who get almost emotional at everything recently, or it was the song that made me teary. But I know that I do miss him and feel sad for what he had to go through. All he wanted was to relive the childhood that he had never had the chance to live. The circumstances just did not allow him the luxury to do that. Was he guilty? It no longer matters anymore. He is now free from it all.

His faces are all over the TV channels again. How could one believe that he is gone when basically he still lives in our memory and our life? You can't deny the impact that he had made and in fact, he is still making an impact on our life.

Try listening to "You Are Not Alone", and tell me that you are not moved by it and tell me you do not miss him. It is a very emotional song. Soak yourself in it and you'll understand why.

It is one year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. Whether you love or hate him, he remains the King of Pop, that no one could ever replace.

Whenever my spirits were low, I always managed to find that one tiny bit of something to boast them up. Always, my spirits rarely remained low for a long time.

Today, it is one of those days that I hit my low again. Things aren't good at work (bet everybody would say that). I have been trying to re-motivate myself over and over again. My hope was crushed repeatedly, but I remain hopeful. For what? For a better opportunity that I believe would be coming my way soon. However, I've been waiting for more than a year. Shall I wait for another year?

I wish I could wait. But the external factor is testing my patience all too often that I feel like giving up. I ain't a quitter. But what do you expect one would do if you constantly poking him/her with a needle? Okay, with a blunt needle. Perhaps, he/she won't bleed, but it still hurts. One could either walk away from that needle, or remove that needle from the other person's hand. Well, when I couldn't do the latter, I am only left with one choice. Am I?

Sometimes I am foolish, foolish enough to let others step on my head and walk all over me. By the time I realised, it is all too late as I have put myself in a situation that I can't even get out of. I wonder why I just never learn. Am I too kind to allow others to do that to me? There are times I am determined to fight it my way, but I give in easily to others. Sigh...... Do I not belong to this man-eat-man world?

Just few moments ago, I felt so disheartened and helpless. I rang Andrew, who was in the midst of a training, and I almost cried the moment I heard his voice. I just had to swallow everything down and told him to "talk tonight".

I want to just walk away and leave but I do not know what I am waiting for. Or maybe, something is holding me back, and I don't know what it is. Is it the fear of uncertainty or the fear of going into another hell hole?

I once read, the more you talk about your dream, the harder for it to come true. I guess I talk too much about leaving and that is why I am still standing on the same place as ever.

Stop talking and start doing. 

Me, is a water person I would say. Friends invited me to go for some challenging mountain-climbing (Mount KK), I said NO without any hesitation and much consideration. When they asked me to go for a beach vacation, I almost jumped and yelled in excitement. Ironically, I can't swim well in the open sea without a life jacket and I can't dive. :)

Last August, 5 of us went to Redang Island. It was my second time. My first time was 7 years ago. That is a long time huh! Redang Island has all the sun and beaches one could ever dream of. I am missing Redang terribly.

One disappointment we had during our beach vacation was, none of us have a waterproof camera. I brought my precious Canon 450D alongside with my sweet baby iPhone. But both of them are useless junks when it comes to water. I couldn't bring neither of them out to the snorkeling trips. Undeniably, my DSLR could take best landscape photos. However, I couldn't take a panorama view of the beach in one "sweep". Bummer.

On the second day of our Redang escapade, disaster happened. Wan Yi's dearest hubby, Kong's one-week-old baby Nokia N97 decided to take a dip in the sea. We all thought Redang beach is just so irresistible. Hahaha. Kong was busy taking our photos using my DSLR, while his N97 was in one of his pockets. He was so engrossed in taking photos of us in the water, he moved towards the sea deeper and deeper. I think N97 has gotten a great dip in the sea for good 5 minutes before its owner finally came to his senses. LOL! We tried to dry it, sun it, blow it and everything we could ever think of. It came back to life for a moment, and it went dead forever. Kong was doing the best he could to resuscitate his baby, too bad that he failed.

During our trip, we have also witnessed another mishap. A brand new Canon Ixus (couldn't see exactly what model) went into malfunction after getting hit by a splash of water came flying onto the boat! We all felt so sorry for that girl! Just one minute ago she was so proud of her camera and happy snapping away. :(

Few months ago, I saw this exciting + interesting + awesome baby in Sony Exhibition, Mid Valley. Gosh, it totally swept both Andrew and I off our feet! The new Sony TX5 that could take pretty photos even in the water!!! It is totally water-proof! No casing and no hassle required. Isn't that awesome?

Look at the photo below, that was when Kong's N97 decided to go for a dip! If only we had the Sony TX5.

One person has just always got to sacrifice to stay dry to take photos. If only we had Sony TX5, all of us could just join in the fun!

You may notice there isn't any photo of us snorkeling, because we were too afraid to bring our cameras along during our snorkeling trips! Again, if only we had Sony TX5.

And how I wish I could do the one-sweep panorama of the beautiful landscape. The best I could do with my Canon 450D is this. Sigh...... If only I had the Sony TX5.

Despite the much desired water-proof (underwater of 3m deep up to 60 minutes) and the Intelligent Sweep Panorama (horizontally or vertically, any way you like it), Sony Cybershot TX5 (10.2MP) comes with the Exmor R" CMOS Sensor, BIONZ imaging processor and Carl Zeiss® Lens that promise great quality photos even in low-light.

Wait, hold your breath just right there. It is also temperature-proof (up to -10ºC), dust-proof (that means spotless images anytime anywhere) and shock-proof (up to a height of 1.5m)! Can you believe it? I especially love the temperature-proof thingy because I like to travel. Still remember early of this year when I was in Taiwan and I was worrying sick that the cold weather would make my DSLR go misty inside. Plus, I don't have to worry about bumping or dropping my camera while I am in the action of taking great photos!

Ever feel frustrated with your blurry photos especially in a low-light situation? Tell me about it. Even with my DSLR, I have to normally do a lot of manual settings in low-light situation. And, I can't even move a hair while pressing the shutter! With Sony TX5, all I will have to do is just click away. The Anti-motion Blur mode uses six superimposed frames to create one single optimised image with 50% less noise. That gives you the ability to shoot with high ISO in low-light environments, reducing noise and subject blur. Hence, clear and sharp images!

Plus...... Sony TX5 can take 10 photos in 1 second!!! That is insanely awesome! I'll never have to worry that I'll miss the action again or blurry images.

Nope, I haven't quite finished yet. Video/Movie recording on Sony TX5 is of 720 HD recording. Yes, you can also take video under water. :) And the touch screen LCD enables you to have a better view in the water and the touch screen works just fine even if it's under water.

Watch this video to see how the touch screen works in the water.

I think most of you would be wondering why on earth I need a normal point & shoot digital camera since I have already got a good Canon EOS 450D. First, 450D can't do video recording. My iPhone can't do video recording too. I've been constantly searching for a right compact digital camera that I could do movie. Secondly, you can't pack 450D into your handbag or pocket. I love to shoot randomly, I see interesting subject, I shoot. My iPhone can give me that randomness but the photos are not as good as I want them to be. And my iPhone is at its worst in low-light situation. Thirdly, and most importantly, I can't bring my 450D down to the water, can I?! One tiny drop of rain on it already make me go oh-gosh-it-is-so-going-to-die. What's more to dip it in the water! I can't do the same to my iPhone too!

Then, it is the intelligent sweep panorama. I can do panorama photos with 450D by taking a few photos of a scene from different angle and Photoshop them into one piece. But me being the lazy bum, the "sweep" panorama sounds just too sweet for me to resist. Last but not least, I fell in love with self-portrait recently! Go on, laugh and call me vain, but I just love self-portrait. :) With my heavy and bulky 450D, you have to hold it with both hands. Those of you who like to do self-portrait, you should know better what I mean.

And now, Nuffnang is kind enough to run this contest to give away 3 (mind you, it's 3) Sony TX5. I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying so hard that I could be 1 of that 3 lucky charming Nuffnangers. Wish me luck! :)

Want to try your luck too? Try here. :) Good luck!

Click to know more about Sony Cybershot TX5.

Not enough? Here is another one. :)

15 years of friendship, been through all the ups and downs together. I was so full of confidence that nothing could tear us apart and the friendship would grow stronger. I overestimated our friendship. Or I shall say, I overestimated myself to have the strength to maintain a friendship with her.

I may not be a good friend, but whenever she needed help, I would have done all I could to be there. When she needed a shoulder to cry on, I was there ready to take in all her craps. When she wanted a companion during her low times, I compromised my other commitments to be with her. I was prepared to be there for her, all she needed to do was just ask and call.

She is a person who would always want to share her feelings and thoughts with me. I appreciate her trust in me. On the other hand, I am not one that would share every little thing with a friend. I share when I feel there is a need. It is so often that she misunderstood I did not treat her as a best friend.

I love to comfort and advise. At times, I realised I have talked too much. Sometimes all she wanted was a listener. I have offended her a few times too when I said the hardest thing to bring her back to the reality. I admitted I was wrong and I apologised. I am fortunate that I was forgiven too. To avoid hurting her again, I chose not to talk or comment so much. After all, she is an adult, she knows exactly what to do. I, as a best friend, should give her the support that she needed.

I talked less, and listened more. I was happier that way. But she didn't feel the same. She said I have changed and I was ignoring her by not talking to her. I was disappointed that she felt that way. Obviously, talking and listening too much weren't all she wanted. I did not know what she wanted from me anymore. However, I was too stubborn to let go. No, I shouldn't let go of something I have put so much effort in. That is just not me, I never give up easily. I picked up the pieces, moved on. Communicated with her all over again and I thought we have finally reached some mutual understanding that could make our friendship last forever.

When she is busy, she expects me to accommodate to her busy schedule. When I am busy, she expects me to accommodate to her out of my busy schedule. I grumbled a bit, but I did all I could. Sometimes I disappointed her, I am sorry. But I know I have done my best.

For her, I never ask for anything in return. It has never crossed my mind to ask her to repay any of my kindness. I believe the friendship was mutual. It was so sweet of her to always insist on sending me home because she feels guilty of asking me out. I've told her don't be, as she is "the only one that I'd never get calculating with".

fter so long, I now feel like a drying well. I have been providing and giving constantly. She never notices how much is left of me to be able to provide and give. Whenever it is drying, I would dig deeper to replenish the well. The deeper I dig, the harder it gets to replenish. I am so deep under the ground, waiting for the rain that would never come.

She broke my heart a few times over the years. I, being the strong and stubborn one, picked up the broken pieces on my own, and mended it. The friendship was so precious to me that I wasn't willing to let go. I was all ready to forgive and move on. I truly believed that bad times could only make the friendship grows stronger than ever.

My heart, that has been broken and mended countless of times, is out of shape. I can't recognise my heart anymore and I doubt I would be able to mend it one more time.

In my life thus far, I have cried twice because of friends. When I was 11, and now at my 30. I thought I would be mature and strong enough to handle it, I was so wrong. I am not as strong as I thought I was.

I do not feel angry, because the feeling of sadness is too overwhelming.

I do not blame her, I blame myself for not doing enough of what she wanted me to.

My 15 years of friendship, has just been denied by the best friend I have ever had. I finally decide to let go after badly wounded. I can now take all the time in the world to heal my wounds and heart.

From now on, I shall not be blamed for not being an understanding friend. Because, I do not care now. Till the time my heart is ready to believe again.

I am sorry, my BFF. I know friends shouldn't turn their back on each other, I am not. But I need a break.

I don't usually start my blog post with a photo. Today is just one of those days that I feel like to. :)

Time zooms past like a rocket. In fact, there is no word that could best describe how fast time passes. Last year September, if you have read it, I briefly blogged about my home that I've been so wanting to move in. The positive reason is I could finally have a home here in KL that I could call my own. The negative push is, I could then finally get out of this hell hole and say bye-bye-no-see to those monkeys that I am living with NOW. If you have rented a place with someone that totally does not know how to do house chores, you would be able to understand my frustration all too well.

Everyday, I could see my future home, being built. It is just opposite where I stay right now. Bought the unit about 2 years ago, before my wedding. It was a tough time back then, having to spend for the wedding and the down-payment for the house. It wasn't easy, but am glad that we bought it. The price now, shot up to RM280,000 for the same unit. For the new phase (Phase 4), it costs RM320,000 at least for a same 1313 square-foot unit. We bought it at RM253,000, with 2 car-park bays.

The unit that we bought, is called LakeCity Condominium Phase 3, by Platinum Victory Development. This one has more than 700 units. I don't like it at all, too high density. But well, what could we do. Our decision to have 2 car-park bays was a good one. We know what it's like to have to look for an empty car park when you reach home, we didn't enjoy it, especially when it was raining cats and dogs! There is going to be a shopping complex right beside the condominium, and a private hospital is on its way too just across the street. The place is going to get busier! I can already foresee the traffic would be bad by then. :(

Our unit is of 1313 square-foot, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 1 study room. We may not want to do so much of renovations in the house, most of the things we now decide to go DIY. Hope we won't be exhausting ourselves later doing all the DIY. LOL! We just hope that by going DIY, we could save some money and not spend so much.

The photo above, on the right hand side is Block B, where our unit will be. Block B is more than 50% completed. But look at Block A on the left hand side, gosh...... Still a long way to go. :( I wish that they could complete it before end of this year. Although I need time to gather some money for the renovations, but I just couldn't stand staying in this rented place anymore. I have had enough of their irresponsibility and bad habits.

Pray hard that it completes before the year ends. The developer is very well-known for its early completion reputation, let's just hope it could make wonders again.

Do you love/like quotes? Whether they're famous, so long as they mean something at some point of my life, I love them. Some of them are branded in my memory permanently, some I could hardly recall. I, consider myself as a quote-aholic.

Quotes do not necessary come from a book or written literature. It could be a sentence in a movie, lyrics of a song, conversations, musical, drama, poems, article, speech...... Some of the quotes are so famous because they come from a famous figure, such as William Shakespeare, Winston Churchill, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Nirvana......

My all-time favorite quote, from Radio Friendly Unit Shifter, by Nirvana, the ever oh-so-famous short-lived band. "I love you for what I am not. I did not want what I have got." I did not know about Nirvana that much, only heard few of their songs every now and then (but thanks to YouTube now, I could listen to every song of theirs). I can't remember in what occasion that quote came to me. It's been my favorite for many years, perhaps more than 10 years. I find that the statement is so true. We all are in love with someone that is different from us. The creator has made all of us different from each other. Every one of us is to complete each other.

Another quote that sits at the top of my favorite is from William Shakespeare. "I am not bound to please thee with my answer." I think it is from his work "The Merchant of Venice". Not too sure. Found this quote many years ago too randomly on the internet. It reminds me that I shall only speak with honesty, not to please others. Even when the honesty may hurt, I shall then choose to remain silence. It also kind of tells me that I am of no obligation to speak to please someone. Hahaha.

There are lots of funny quotes too. Recently saw this from Jenny Sun's FB walls, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it", from W. C. Fields. Every time I think about this quote, I can't help but laugh. Andrew looks at it differently, he said it means "try to do it another way", which is true as well.

There's another cute one, "If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide". Can you guess who said it? Ahh...... It's so easy, just copy and paste this in Google search and you could get the answer. LOL! :P

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. ~ Margaret Wolfe Hungerford

I am back in KT.

Was here last weekend. Last Sunday, Andrew's mom told us that his uncle (Andrew's auntie's husband) was hospitalized. We wanted to go visit him, but his family told us he didn't want us to go.

Uncle was diagnosed with nose cancer 3 years ago. The first time I met him, was in Tung Shin Hospital, to receive chemotherapy and radiotherapy. He looked fit and healthy. He had to undergo 5 weeks of intense chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I was pretty shocked as I know how harmful they could be to our human body.

One month later, auntie called as she would like to have dinner with us. Uncle's therapies were coming to an end and they were going back to KT soon. When I saw uncle for the second time, I didn't know what to say. He was half of his size one month ago. Uncle said he wanted to have some Cantonese fried noodles, but when the noodles came, one small mouthful was all he could take. It was too painful for him to eat, his throat was badly burnt due to the radiotherapy. It was so sad. Although we are not very close with him, but knowing that he was a good person and he was still a close relative, you just couldn't help but feel sad.

Over the past 3 years, there were a few relapse. But he never wanted us to go visit him. Andrew met him this Chinese new year and said that he was looking ok. Last week, we didn't know he was in such a critical condition. Tuesday evening, Andrew's mom called and said uncle passed away that afternoon.

This morning was his funeral. All the emotions came rushing back when I saw they started sealing the coffin. That, to me, symbolizes the person is forever gone and I shall never see nor touch that person again. My brother-in-law, my grandma...... Nobody would understand that emotion.

Andrew and I didn't go to KB for the cremation ceremony. It was a relieve to me because I know how hard it could be to the family and I just couldn't bear to see it.

Tonight, I don't know what time, will be rushing back to KL. Gotta work tomorrow.

你是否曾经喜欢上一个人，可是却不能爱？那个人既是异性知己，也是好友。没有其他朋友比对方更谈得来。很想爱，可是却不敢，也不能。只怕爱了，一切都会变了？

今早读了一篇文章，或对，或错。没有对错，只是观点不一样罢了。

其中一段写道：“似乎两人之间只要渗入感情元素，气氛就不一样了。比如去看一场好电影，有几对情侣在互相依偎陶醉之余, 还能正襟危坐的讨论那场电影的成就？ 在无声胜有声的时刻，那实在太无趣了。” 我对这一段，是坚定的不认同的。

无声胜有声真的了无情趣吗？ 难道两个人之间的默契，还不够填补那段无声吗？很多时候，只要我一个眼神，Andrew就能知道我要说/做什么。那对我来说，就算是多年好友都无法知道的。有时候，一句话也没说，只是拖着手，那种从手心里传来的温度，就好比成千上万的甜言蜜语。不是吗？

还有这一段：“我们知道︰有些东西会比爱情恒久，更值得我们追求。这种默契，是属于男女私情之外的，我如此相信。男朋友或是丈夫，都是另一个封闭而完整的圆，对我这个圆来说，可能是相交、相切或重叠，甚至根本在另一个空间，八竿子也打不着的。”

爱情当中，就不能有朋友间的感情和默契吗？这是哪儿门子的道理啊？友情的圆和爱情的圆，八竿子也打不着？ 难道作了男女朋友，就没了友情？那么为何叫男‘朋友’啊？作了夫妻，就不再是朋友么？虽说爱情也有尽头。可是友情也不见得就比爱情恒久。

最后一段：“这种默契，是属于男女私情之外的，我如此相信。可是在这些男生、这些朋友面前，我却可以松开五花大绑，成为一条无限延长的直线，因为不用费心去画一个圆，或是费心去和另一条直线相交叉，我们只是各自奔跑，志同道合就彼此吸引， 成为两条，甚至一组平行直线，也许不属于同一个平面， 但是彼此知道、看得见、互相扶持、互相敬重。我期求这样的友情，这样的男生令我动心而不动情。”

我一直认为在伴侣面前作回原来的自己是最舒服的一件事。可是以上这段，似乎在说只能在朋友面前恣意放任，在伴侣面前却要小心翼翼。

友情就不需要费尽心思去经营吗？我们抽时间去见朋友，就已经是花费心思经营的一种。不是吗？当然经营一段爱情需要花更多的心思。可是，别忘了能够付出其实也算是一种回报，一种快乐。如果不想付出，只想回报，我看连友情都很难维持下去吧。

一对伴侣走在一起，就代表两个人愿意走在同一条路上。两个朋友走在一起，却不代表两个人都愿意走在同一条路上。这个我认同。朋友间就像两条平行线，你有你的走，我有我的走。间中大家互相扶持。到了哪天，当两条线渐行渐远，不再平行时，我们难免会懊恼遗憾一番。

伴侣走在一起的路上就大不同了。就算其中一方走远了，你仍然知道有人在后头跟着。愿意的话，歇一歇，等一等。不愿意的话，那就先走吧，把前面的路走平了，让落在后面的对方待会儿好走些。若是自己落后了，依然知道前方有人在等着，看着。可以的话，脚步加快些，赶上对方。不能的话，也不必心急，同一条路，始终都会赶上的。偶尔埋怨一下对方，可是路还是得继续走下去。能够牵着手一起走，是最好不过了。当然，有些时候，必有一方选择了另一条路。一个人，路还是得走。走不下了吗？为什么一个人就非得留在原地不走？或许前方有另一个愿意等你一起走的人。

我没遇上一个真正能够谈心不谈情的男生。曾经都有过几个要好的异性朋友，可是都是骗人的，都是对我另有企图。身边的朋友，有些口口声声说是红颜知己，好朋友而已。结果现在都已经是夫妻了！也看过朋友拍着胸膛说不动情，结果却陷得深，摔得狠。所以，我不相信红颜知己这回事。要嘛就动了心，用了情。要嘛就是保持朋友距离。红颜知己，也只是自欺欺人的名词罢了。

喜欢，却不能爱。没有这回事。世上只有，爱，却不能拥有。

还记得我曾经和他说过，“哪天要是你不爱了，请坦白告诉我。让我离开，不要让我笨笨的死赖着不走。” 既然不能再拥有了，那就放手啊。说得简单？或许吧。可是，路，还是得继续走下去。即使是，一个人。

Photo courtesy of TheStar Online.

Close to the end of April 2010, a piece of news shocked the whole nation. Almost everyone was wondering how could a girl possibly have been raped repeatedly in the school.

School, which is supposed to be the safest place, for us to learn.

School, is supposed to be a place filled with laughters.

School, is a place that fosters love, not fear.

The school has now become a ground that provides nothing but threats and troubles, not just to the students but to the surrounding community and residents. Even the teachers and parents are helpless and live in fear too. How could one learn and gain knowledge in such environment?

It is a shame that it happens here in our country. What a shame for the supposedly-studying-and-innocent students to go astray and got themselves involved in gangster-ism. Worst, to become a rapist at such a young age. Their future, is torn apart by their own hands the moment they committed such crime. The victims, may have to undergo all sorts of therapies and treatments to be able to face the world again.

The only question in my head is, why has it always had to come this far for us to realise something is awfully wrong? There has got to be some signs or indications before it has come to this stage. Things must have been going on for some time for it to go all sour. Well...... Now isn't the time to find fault or put the blame on someone or something. This, gives us the opportunity to re-look into our disciplinary system in schools. For the parents, it is time to really take note of your children's behavior in the school and also their whereabouts after school.

For all the related news:

School of Terror