Been through a boring and not-so-happy week last week. Boring because went back hometown last weekend, settled some wedding stuff. Other than that, I did nothing. Stayed at home, playing games, watching TV with my niece...... She's growing so fast!
Not so happy, that's because of some small drama regarding my wedding. Some friends do really disappoint me. Well, perhaps not disappoint me, it could be the difference between our perceptions. I am wondering now if they regard me as a friend. Or are they taking advantage of me? Yes, I know this is my words against their words. They could have their own stories to tell as well. I do not give a damn now. My 2 years colleagues are even better than those friends of mine which I've known for more than 5 years. Why do I want to waste my energy and time on someone who doesn't appreciate me but thinks that he/she is being extremely nice to me? They may not realise what they have done, they may argue I am not a good person, they could say that I did that to them first...... Well, they can say and claim whatever they want, I can't be bothered anymore. I got bothered by it for such a long time, 5 years and more, enough is enough.
I questioned Andrew few times, was it me? Why are those friends treating me this way? I found out and realised that it wasn't me. It wasn't them either. It all because of the growing process. We grow out of each other's path and pace.
You can say that I'm cruel to turn my back on those friends now, certainly they have gone through some good times with me. Yes, they have. That's why I'm going to turn my back on them now. I want to remember those good memories. I don't want them to hurt me anymore. To avoid being hurt again, that is the only thing to do. Also, if they think I hurt them equally, that is even the best way to stop hurting them.
I have to learn to survive without them now. In fact, have actually not in contact with them for quite a while and I'm already used to live the life without them. Ironically, I can still have a happy life without them. I used to think I have no other friends. But when I start to look around and open up my heart, I gain more friends now. I'm not sure how long the friendship is going to last...... We shall see.
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