Fish Avenue

Whenever my spirits were low, I always managed to find that one tiny bit of something to boast them up. Always, my spirits rarely remained low for a long time.

Today, it is one of those days that I hit my low again. Things aren't good at work (bet everybody would say that). I have been trying to re-motivate myself over and over again. My hope was crushed repeatedly, but I remain hopeful. For what? For a better opportunity that I believe would be coming my way soon. However, I've been waiting for more than a year. Shall I wait for another year?

I wish I could wait. But the external factor is testing my patience all too often that I feel like giving up. I ain't a quitter. But what do you expect one would do if you constantly poking him/her with a needle? Okay, with a blunt needle. Perhaps, he/she won't bleed, but it still hurts. One could either walk away from that needle, or remove that needle from the other person's hand. Well, when I couldn't do the latter, I am only left with one choice. Am I?

Sometimes I am foolish, foolish enough to let others step on my head and walk all over me. By the time I realised, it is all too late as I have put myself in a situation that I can't even get out of. I wonder why I just never learn. Am I too kind to allow others to do that to me? There are times I am determined to fight it my way, but I give in easily to others. Sigh...... Do I not belong to this man-eat-man world?

Just few moments ago, I felt so disheartened and helpless. I rang Andrew, who was in the midst of a training, and I almost cried the moment I heard his voice. I just had to swallow everything down and told him to "talk tonight".

I want to just walk away and leave but I do not know what I am waiting for. Or maybe, something is holding me back, and I don't know what it is. Is it the fear of uncertainty or the fear of going into another hell hole?

I once read, the more you talk about your dream, the harder for it to come true. I guess I talk too much about leaving and that is why I am still standing on the same place as ever.

Stop talking and start doing.